This is how I see energy expense in time while achieving some goal.
A place to make conclusions.
Creation is meditation to make and structurize brain cell connections.
Activates healing mechanisms. Helps getting rid of all the poisonous shit inside my head.
Ultimately energy capacious process demanding not only that but also rather bold freaking inspiration. Image of a extraterrestrial unbeliavable unspoken pure true beauty. Which I'm thankfully privileged to have. We all eventually do if patient enough. It comes and blows your mind off, rips it apart to million pieces. It is such a blessing, let me tell ya.
The more you pump up yourself with love – the stronger, healthier, capable and powerful you become. There's no such thing as too much love. It's like feeling too wet when going down on her – non-sense, right? There's no such thing.
I'm so in love.
This is how I see energy expense in time while achieving some goal.
..is about deep respect and two people taking un-precedented care of each other. Mutual (is crucial word) care.
When there's MUTUAL interplay and care and concern, there's no room for betrayal. This kinda relationship has such a power for both partners so that they can unveil hidden strength and talents and skills. They "accidentally" can start painting, doing some stuff they never did before and in a very good quality.
It's so damn powerful and capable.
Just so motherfucking easier to spend time on
entertainment instead of
spending it on achieving big goals
(which you may not get AS FAST AS YOU WANT).
It takes time.
It takes effort.
It doesn't pay back immediately. God damn it.
But you gotta get the fuck up and try and try and try.
Computer is very, very, quite freaking DANGEROUS thing if its user isn't quite prepared to work with it. Computer can waste lots and lots of user's time, health (sight, back pain, you name it – it does it). Especially if user got internet connexion on it.
So before I sit if front of it or even turn it on, I very clearly try to decide what's the main goal I'm gonna get done on it for the time. That keeps me from getting distracted. Also a →simple and useful utility I wrote to do breaks every 45 minutes: helps to remember what I was originally about to do for this time on computer, do a little muscle workout to restore the blood flow. Generally increases efficiency by 10 times.
A lotta people are so scared to death of themselves (their true goals in life, their development, their growth, their mission in life, their purpose, and so on), that they get married to have a permanent distraction from their own selves. They become teaching their beloved or children, say what to do and what not to do. Sad, disgusting life. Unbearable. When somebody pretends like they're trying to "help" you, whereis in fact they just run from themselves with increasing number of problems and MUST TURN HELP INTENTION BACK TO THEMSELVES.
There is always a solid tendency to stick to job & just make a career. But I can not let that happen if I see all the messed up crappy business going on. Because if I just keep *doing my job* putting a blind eye on *inconvenient truth*, I'm MAKING A CHOICE, I VOTE for such kind of systems to exist & flourish.
No man, thanks for the experience, best of luck. I'ma do things a much better way.
PS
How do I decide if I'm doing the right thing? I imagine multiplying results of it by million times and see
if it makes a good shift on environment conditions, health of people, their prosperity or...
it pollutes the environment (non-closed production cycle), make people dumb & deceive them,
cause health decay.
Then, I decide if stay in the business or go find something else.
Dumbest thing to do is to believe I'm the smartest among others. Never try to say something to a person unless you really see the one wants to hear and think about it. Otherwise it's just a waste of time.
There is nothing worse in the world than a pretending learner who claims to wanna learn something from you, but actually what that asshole does is wasting my energy expressing his/her doubts and fears. First thing to do anytime someone claims to want to learn from you is to make sure that human is willing to die to learn.
Any solution starts from formulating what's the problem.
Gotta be utterly precise in description, because after that I'm going to spend my time fixing it
and I better fix what I need, not some obscure dont-really-know-what-I-want kinda business.
The closer I formulate my objective, the more satisfied I'm going to be in the end.
Couple of sketches
↓
To be self-disciplined means being PARANOID about it. Because as soon as I start thinking I'm doing well — the mechanism shuts off. Self-discipline is about never did enough attitude plus have some rest on weekends.
I shouldn't ever demand (or even expect) more from people that I am myself represent, that I can offer.
I feel way more confident jogging past barking unleashed dog in a forest if I have a POCKET KNIFE in my hand. Yeah, I've got one about two weeks ago. I'm not gonna use it unless I really have to. As Edward Hayes says:
«Put your trust in God, but mind to keep your (gun-)
powder dry»
I'm just sick of trying to convince dog-owners that if their dogs can't behave predictable,
jump and bark at me (which I've experienced 4 times in latest 3 months, and bitten once), then I'm not
going to stay there helplessly. I'm now going to defend myself if I have to.
«General purpose of living is to get pleasure while treating nature and other
people (and species) as good as I would want them to treat me»
In other words, to live in harmony with environment and tend to get pleasure. This requires
practical skills/ academic education/ experience & wisdom.
(1) Only getting pleasure won't make me happy. Because only getting pleasure I
stop appreciating it.
(2) Only getting wisdom, knowledge, practical skills working hard day by day also isn't the right way
to live, to happiness. Body wants to get awarded for its effort.
Somehow, communication and emotional share helps to be happy. This is partially the reason why I keep this website updated. Don't exactly realize why communication is so importatnt.
Physical workout is very good to contribute to personal happiness. Sex is a part of physical workout. A very small but necessary. I adore →jogging, dancing, biking, skiing, swimming, walking upside down, live, breathe, and many other things.
And finally. There is something fundamentally wrong about machines & computers. We become mastering machines — not ourselves, not our God given capabilites. We tend to replace our natural capabilites (which are pretty much asleep now) by artificial prosthetic devices. That is a dead end in evolution. Gotta return back to nature. There is no other way.
If I had will as rigid as my boner, I'd be the happiest & strongest man ever walked the Earth.
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| Looks kinda the same, isn't it? | |
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Yes, wireless headphones
or portable audio player would do pretty much the same thing. For me it's just
that I have ~1Tb audio to listen to. Plus I don't have to wear anything on top
of my head. Natural and rich.
And if it's not money.. then what am I getting at work exactly? And do I really need it? Or maybe I better do farming for a living?
→ Relevant online flash game: Every day the same dream
PS The horse isn't mine, the carrot neither. I put it all together.
My life consists of two parts: jogging & everything else. And when I'm not jogging, I do everything possible so that I can jog more, faster, in cleaner environment with fresher air.
I love acceleration, blood flow, heart beat, turnings, jumps, velocity,
feeling of body gravity altering with weightlessness. And there is something I can't
mentally realize, but it's there and it makes my life so fulfilled and enjoyable.
Hysterical howl is a true sign of weakness.
I was asked by company's administration about my decision to go to the army and they asked me to make diploma on already done projects (not the original project for diploma).
I won't go into what I replied on army. However, I thought that if I'm given an opportunity to get an official paper in 2 months for my working here for 2 years -- hell, why not? It would be nice to have an official confirmation. I may use it somewhere else in future.
The other (second) choice I have is to sit here and work further on these 4 projects I have now for next two months. But I don't think it's gonna bring me much new experience. Just some money to make a living. First choice also includes this option. So, this choice isn't as good as the first one.
So, I'ma go with first -- make diploma on done projects. Pick one, and write a paper. In two month with a checkpoint in 3 weeks.
P.S. So we finally decided to go with telephone poll project due to its
wide-distributed functionality (many different sources to gather statistics from, many different
ways to represent output results).
Situation: I've got about 3 months before I go to the army for an year and I feel I need to finish some work at my current job in order not to leave these people with unfinished projects and not be an ass. Anyway, I wouldn't want somebody to leave my company with unfinished work, or at least without an attempt to finish it.
There are many things to do, probably not all of 'em are going to be completed in these three months. So I have to decide which ones are the most important and fix 'em first.
I now have 4 projects:
→ Telephone,
→ TextUpdater (doesn't need to be fixed, everything seems to be fine),
→ VideoMixer &
→ Slideshow.
Most important strategic projects are Telephone, & VideoMixer and moreover, Slideshow is functioning 100%, QA just found cosmetic aspects that they don't like, but I totally enjoy. So, I'm gonna postpone Slideshow for a while and if I'm gonna be in time, I'll fix it, no problem.
So, there are 2 left: Telephone & VideoMixer. I guess I'll start with Telephone because it was the latest project I worked on and so a smaller time needs to be spent in order to fix new issues (it's new development as well as in VideoMixer which I wasn't working on for quite a while).
So finally, here is the order: Telephone → VideoMixer → Slideshow.
Ivan Yurlagin, 
